I recently mentioned that I would be posting more entries about the massive damage abusive parents inflict on their children, and that the topic shouldn’t be dismissed by racists, since some have suffered, or continue to suffer, mental disorders.
I became disturbed decades ago when I fell into a New Age-type cult, as an “idiotic defense mechanism” (a term I use in my autobiography) in response to a trauma I couldn’t process in my younger years.
These days I’ve been rereading a ring binder of over a thousand pages that I had been using as a diary about my family dynamics (I’ve read up to page 318 and I plan to read the rest in the following days).
I dreaded the first few pages because they brought back extremely painful events for me, written decades ago.
I was surprised, now that I’ve reread them, that although the pain remains in my memory, rereading them was incredibly liberating…
Many people believe that repression (“forgiveness and forgetting”) leads to healing—a legacy of Christian ethics that has permeated the secular world, even the misnamed “mental health professions.” The truth is diametrically opposed: repression leads to madness; processing pain saves us from neuroses and even psychoses (in my case, soul searching helped me apostatise from the New Age cult I joined in December 1978).
When Benjamin and I can establish a small publishing house, in addition to racialist literature we will try to publish our memoirs.
2 replies on “Ring binder”
Thanks for advertising my new 4th edition of TLTJH. I should say, though considerably updated, this release is still the ‘academic’ one overall, despite some overlap and extrapolation, and I refer interested parties to my other book Consumption: Memories of My Childhood for the real emotive content.
I’m glad you’ve been going over your ring-binder. I’ve been wanting to go back into my email box to review letters I sent and received from family years ago, but I know what you mean. Personally, I just haven’t had the nerve yet, as they’re too emotionally raw…
I was never in a cult, but at one point, when very fragile and emotionally low , I spent about 6-8 months buoyed along by a manufactured (i.e. people-pleasing) belief in my partner’s ridiculous spiritism/occultism/hippie perspectives. I swiftly extirpated that mentality though, much to her eternal chagrin. I find all avenues of the supernatural ridiculous.
I still go over my psychotic emails, helpfully stored also now in a folder on my PC, attempting to translate the decoupled semiotics with the aid of Silvano Arieti’s method, but again, that’s nerve-wracking (deeply embarrassing) work. Despite being complex ‘coded’ replies rather than literal tosh, it’s still a nightmare on the mind realising just how they would have been interpreted by others, and I shudder as I read them.
If anyone needs my contact details, speak to César privately.
I can’t currently think of an effective distribution method for TLTJH (for reasons of legality in this country), but if anyone really wants it – and I hope one or two do – one could PayPal me say £10 (or equivalent currency) and I’ll email the PDF + Cover out. Alternatively, send me your postal address + say, £18, and I’ll order a copy myself and post it out to you when it arrives. It’s too radical for the mainstream internet, and I can’t risk that.
“Know thyself” (Greek: Γνῶθι σεαυτόν, gnōthi seauton) is a philosophical Delphic maxim which was inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo in the ancient Greek precinct of Delphi.
Excerpts of Benjamin’s heart-breaking Consumption are linked here.