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Autobiography Child abuse Racial right

Christmas alone

I did not share the Christmas table yesterday and today with what is left of my family after a couple of deaths. And how could I do it if they give me what I call ‘air treatment’?

My so-called family has learnt that I’ve been writing for the last few decades. I have let them know that I write about them in the first comprehensive autobiography of a family tragedy that has been written in history. Only my nephew Cristóbal, when he was six years old, was interested in what I was doing. He is now a degenerate teenager, like the rest of my nephews (we live in the most degenerate era of the West). Although as a child he used to ask me how my literary project was going, now, a decade later, he never does it.

Before my biological family I am air, I was air, and I will continue to be treated as air: they transparent me in their minds as if I were not present.

As I have already confessed on this site, most of my life I thought that Jesus of Nazareth had not only existed, but that he was a special being. It was precisely the tragedy in such a Catholic family that killed two people and left me reduced to a kind of three-eyed crow that moved me to question my parents’ religion.

This is something that many white nationalists fail to do for the simple fact that they have not faced tragedies as directly as I have. When I mentioned last year that one of my first cousins strangled his daughter and then hanged himself, even that event seems minor compared to what appears in my first ten books.

I will not explain the details of the family events here. I leave that to my readers once the English translations begin to be available as hard copies. But the point is that, as some may understand, such events force the victim to question everything hold sacred.

Since entangled in a tree I’ve spent my life ‘seeing’ the past to understand the present, I’ve developed the talent of being honest with the bare facts. This is the starting point to understand other issues. If one is honest at the biographical level, one becomes honest at the historical level, as history is simply the sum of the biographies of a conglomerate of people.

History and biography (or autobiography) are interconnected. Once one survives the lies of a family (see the context of this quote [1]: here) it’s easier to see the historical lies. Thus, if I cannot sit at the Christmas table it’s because what is left of my family plays what I call the perverse game of the happy family. (Don’t be surprised that many people get depressed in the Christmas season: playing that perverse game in dysfunctional families causes depression in the most honest or sensitive members.)

I would say the same about many white nationalists. In the Christmas season they play the perverse game of a happy culture, as if the celebration of the Jew Jesus was something good for the 14 words, noble and to be celebrated.

Actually, celebrating the birth of a fictional Jew, or not condemning it openly [2], lays the foundation for Aryan decline. What we should celebrate is the birth of Leonidas, Hermann and Uncle Adolf. The mere fact that millions of whites ignore who Leonidas and Hermann were, or that they have believed the propaganda that demonises the uncle, shows how lost the fair race is.


(1) ‘This other girl is powerless, helpless, trapped, and overwhelmed. She can’t stop the abuse, she can’t escape it, and she can’t predict it. She is trapped in her family’s societal denial, her age, threats, physical violence, family rules and double binds. How does the little girl cope?’ (a quotation from my only book that has been translated).

(2) See for example the lukewarmness of the articles in this Christmas that appear in Counter-Currents, the ‘secular’ webzine of white nationalism (1, 2, 3, 4 and 5).

15 replies on “Christmas alone”

To be fair, I don’t think many whites celebrate Jesus during the so-called Christmas (at least where I live, and where I live it is still called Yule). After all, the celebration of Yule is far older than the birth and death of some fictional Jew. It used to be a winter solstice celebration which was the celebration of the sun god/sun. Christians, as was their wont, just slapped their Jesus over it.

You must be living in another continent. Here the Jesus figure is omnipresent today.

Above and below: two pics of the Nativity Scene at my mother’s house in 2019 (baby Jesus is clearly seen if you click and amplify the second one).

Yes, I am on another continent. Christianity has been here only for some odd thousand years, give or take a few centuries, and we had none of Semitic decorations in private homes. I might see one or two odd, and very small, decorations of the Nativity Scene in public buildings. But otherwise, all of our decorations and customs are still rooted in the old indigenous European religions even if a lot of it has Jesus slapped over them.

As I recently said, most of European history has been pagan. In the US and Canada on the other hand, they’ve only known Xtianity. This, that explains a lot, is something that white nationalists are unable to see.

P.S. Also, Hunter Wallace of Occidental Dissent, a blogsite for racially-conscious southern nationalists, chose this image for his Christmas post.

I have lived in the same deep southeastern Murkun neighborhood for 62 years – but thankfully not much longer.

The creche used to be displayed in many a front yard along with the requisite star, lights and hymns. The catholic church that I was obligated to go to was full to capacity for midnight mass.

Nowadays the nativity scenes have been replaced with those obnoxious inflatable Disneyesque characters in christmas garb – but the church is still filled with deadheads.

Actually said church has those same types of characters surrounding their schoolyard creche which appears quite bizarre but is actually truly satisfying to those of us with a wry sense of humor.

I’m sure the religionistas find the supplantation of the baby Jeebus with Goofy devolutionary but in reality it’s just replacing one set of imaginary characters with another.

I am like you in this sense, I have nobody to talk to in real life. I don’t think this is necessarily tragic or unique in the history of ‘civilized’ mankind, but some company wouldn’t be bad from time to time. More disgusting it is to see so many degenerate bipeds around you, thing which increases the feeling of loneliness. Well, we live after the fall of Germania and I don’t know who once said that it is better to die than to be born after 1945.

That said, one must find strength within oneself to go on.

Your last sentence summed up our directive quite frankly.

I too walk a lonely and frustrating road but deep down inside there is an inner contentment of knowing that my awareness (racial, historical, spiritual etc.) grows exponentially (aided by blogs such as this one) whilst those ‘degenerate bipeds’ devolve further into comatose slaves.

The aforementioned road is long and winding and is fraught with detours and dead ends but ultimately it only heads toward the cliff or away from it. Seeing that ninety-five percent are heading in the opposite direction I gain the courage to keep walking. Where I’ll end up is debatable but definitely worth pursuing.

Carry on and know that there are fellow travellers joyfully waving bye bye to the lemmings.

I spent Xmas with my extended family. An ominous presebio de Navidad in the background while we lunch lechón in the living room. Lots of boring conversations about minimum wage, housing taxes, comparing Portuguese GDP with the Spanish, retirement, and all sorts of money-based topics. You can see and hear the Sephardic taint present in my bloodline, as is with many Iberians.

Loneliness is ever-present because I can’t speak my mind openly. I don’t have a strong interest in money like my kin. In their talks they leave no space to discuss music, movies, books, or pre-20thC history. Only cash, politics and football.

CT, you like to dream about a world where the pagan Danes colonized Vinland before the Anglos, while I like to dream about a world where the Fuhrer encircled Moskau before Kiev. It’s my little thought-crime diary in this decaying happy-mode Oceania. It helps me cope.

I sure hope this Nick Fuentes charlatan really is the last ammo magazine of the Xtian WN defense line.

> ‘Lots of boring conversations about minimum wage, housing taxes, comparing Portuguese GDP with the Spanish, retirement, and all sorts of money-based topics’.

My cousin architect—one of those cousins who are very white by the way (blond; not like my dark-brown hair as seen in this pic)—commented that in the magazines for architects and those who decorate houses, the great shelves of yesteryear are now missing. Most Americans do not have a large library like the one I own. Even the bookshelves by alt-right pundits like Richard Spencer (as you can see in his videos) look like the ones you can buy at Office Depot. But yesterday’s home libraries are gone now that whites worship Mammon and spend their lives watching television.

Juvenal’s ‘bread and circuses’ aphorism originally referred to the common masses but it can now be extended to all socio-economic levels and in spite of education! Even those with post-graduate degrees are demonstrably ignorant and uninformed.

I would argue that most Americans don’t have any library at all. It was one of the first things I noticed when I first went to live in the US. Other than a few magazines and newspapers, and perhaps the odd novel, the TV reigned supreme in most homes. It was only when I got involved in racialist politics that I began to meet people with fairly extensive libraries. I remember enviously browsing William Pierce’s library in the headquarters in West Virginia when I visited back in the early 1980s. Older Americans did of course have libraries but sadly many of those would have been thrown away by the younger generations as the older ones died off. I wonder do any of the youth of today read at all now as they seem to spend most of their lives gazing at their iphones.

America started with its left foot. One of the consequences of abolishing European primogeniture is that the eldest child’s lost his right to inherit, which includes the homely libraries. Transvaluing values means going back to the old ways. It’s the only way that personal libraries are not thrown away by the younger (dumber / more Americanized) generations.


A relevant demonstration of lex talionis.

“They think that we’ll just sit down and take it like good little boys! That we won’t werewolf and go wild!”

— Arthur Fleck as portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix, Joker (2019)

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