These days, I am making final corrections to my trilogy before continuing the English translation, which, barring an accident*, I intend to devote myself to in earnest from next year onwards. It seems that commenter Benjamin is the only one who is paying attention to this aspect of my work: how maddening parents drive their children’s mad!
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(*) Ever since my younger sister died of what was apparently a sudden heart attack, I’ve been very alert to the fact that this can happen to any of us in unpredictable ways, so I urgently need to find someone to take care of this site if something similar to what happened to Corina were to happen to me (remember that when Eduardo Velasco passed away, his Evropa Soberana site disappeared after a while). I don’t mean that the custodian will add new entries if I should have a heart attack, but that he will continue to pay my hosting provider if something should happen to me.
11 replies on “Schizogenic”
Heart attacks can indeed happen to anyone. I remember being taken to hospital at 26 with suspected heart problems. One morning I had a terrible pain in my chest, and my limbs went numb. Bad nausea too, constantly, and a struggle to breathe. I was taken down to the GP in the village who called an ambulance pretty promptly. They never found the exact reasons (or problem) but they gave me medication and kept me in until the day after. I was living back with my parents after university, and it was the worst point in my life.
That’s the year I first experienced an episode of psychosis also. I had a mini-stroke too while I was there – sometimes with my Dad it’s him or me. My right wrist and hand were paralysed for months, and I needed electrostimulation to return sensation (much as I didn’t report it officially until many weeks later). My little finger’s still a little stiff and curled these days. Unfortunately I had a lot of nerve damage in that area anyway.
My face naturally droops a little these days too around the eye socket, but I put that down to induced tardive dyskinesia. The hardest thing with the heart complications was convincing the ground level paramedics to take me seriously. It was going fine until they checked my record and saw ‘mental health’. Immediately they started to laugh and told me, ‘oh, you’re probably just having a panic attack’ and ‘it can feel really real’.
Idiots. That’s public perception for you. I’ve never been prone to panic attacks in my life, and no one medical had ever recorded one in me before (and I’ve spent most of my life being observed by medical professionals). Thankfully they acquiesced in the end and got me to a doctor. I was fit and healthy at the time, walking everywhere and going to the gym, and I don’t have cholesterol problems.
I can only assume it was sheer stress that brought it about. It shouldn’t really happen at that age. I hope nothing happens to you. You seem good for your age, with a good diet, and you do take long walks in the fresh air.
True: I hope life grants me three more decades…
Likewise Herr Cesar.
Your entries and blog in general are really helpful to me and I appreciate them.
Benjamin,
yes, stress alone can mess you up badly.
This age where we are told to “Be resilient to stress and uncertainty” is a bad joke.
That’s why I admire Adolf Hitlers previous post where he stated his desire to make the lives for women and the working class easier in behold of progress.
On the other hand, the system today wants us to age and die prematurely.
Here in my country I had to deal with a 19 year old Colombian father who kept talking about euthanasia, the manic depressive, Now at least I have given him ideas to go on and move forward because even though he is in his forties as a pubert he can cope with his life, the truth is the same for me growing up without a father is like growing up alone because mothers usually and more if they are single are like a little wounded girl and the reality is that 90% of women today do not know they are sick even Jewish women ignore it in the end Judaism is a pansexual patriarchal religion, for them their women are only worth to procreate Jewish children. The Sick Us with Freudianism & Rockefeller, Carnegie, Morgan & Abraham Flexner all of them make a Loxist System.
Benjamin can put you to practice and learn stoicism and asceticism there are many schools either tantra or taichi as well as any internal martial art believe it or not that is better than paying a psychiatrist but the classical and pagan stoicism is the most basic to start believe it or not the samurais and ninjas received a basic medical training as did the shaolin monks etc.
Jamie Thank you very much for always supporting and participating believe it or not from me you are very much appreciated and I think everyone here is too 🫶🙋🙋♂️
Don Cesar if you wish to continue in good health and everyone here I suggest eating Broth Soups and practicing the WESTON A PRICE diet, also Dr Frank Suarez suggested drinking a lot of water and drinking Natural Soup Broths. I once made pure beef soup and it felt great.
Thanks for the recommendation. I think my problem with stoicism is that I long for the physical action of making changes in the world not a sort of borderline nihilistic acceptance of what to me seems merely a pseudo-immutability. I may have the wrong end of the stick here. I mean, I’m quite used to rugged discomfort (I patch up my own breakage wounds and cauterizing, and do home dentistry at times for instance, much as I heartily resent the latter) and just weather psychological misery, but I can’t relent to fatalism, which that somehow feels synonymous with, and I know it did Nietzsche in. It always reminds me of the Alcoholics Anonymous position, almost washing one’s hands of the world. I think that’s what pushes me off the likes of Marcus Aurelius for example. I’d be prepared to look into yoga, in the sort of way it’s described in Bhagavad Gita, as someone who only previously invested in offensive martial arts (i.e. Wing Chun Kung Fu) but to be honest I find the only mindfulness I appreciate comes from the ritualistic discomfort of regular physical exercise and weightlifting (seconded perhaps by painting). I don’t pay psychiatrists – I avoid them in running hatred, but they’re prevalent here and get forced on me; very hard to escape the dominion of this pan-spectrum pseudoscientific system. Curiously, I approached Taiichi at one point, but it felt hippiefied in the setting I was taking it under, and merely a liberal middle class exercise in basic flexibility.
Just to warn you, I speculate that you might need to read a few of the other posts on here regarding the beef broth. I can’t comment for Cesar, but I know my thoughts might be more along the lines of, given that National Socialism is a principle of life, and I don’t mean this facetiously, how great did it feel for the cow? Cocaine might have the same (ballpark) effect in the psychological realm, and I consider the pro-meat arguers to use the rhetoric and argument style of entitled drug addicts, which is all it is. One the cultural cognitive bias in there a Pandora’s box of peeved rationalizations opens, all that ‘but, but, but…’. I’m not implying that in you, but it’s something I always notice in general. 1001 wide-eyed health proclamations, and a tortured and eviscerated cow. It seems to defy Hitler’s directly stated vision for his postwar future.
Personally, I think the only thing pre-war that the Third Reich ever got wrong is dealing with mental patients under the wrong paradigm. They couldn’t have known any better at the time though, given the zeitgeist and the state of the research literature (which we certainly have now in comprehensive awareness, much as frustratingly no one can be bothered to read it as group-cribbing Thuletide and Dutton tier articles satisfies chip on shoulder preconceptions more readily).
As a final aside, we could take the slaughterhouse argument more seriously. I take it life is no longer perceived an interconnected web of sacred valuable beauty, and I blame Christian thinking for that. I was under the impression vegetarianism wasn’t all that uncommon in the ancient world, especially among the Hellenic Greek armies. No doubt there’s usually some devils advocate hunter gatherer recreationist ‘triggered’ where I type something like that, with a somewhat limited view of paganism, akin to Survive the Jive, using it as an ad hoc hold all to justify what is mere conservatism. All the primitive diets in the world haven’t re-conquered the planet for *us*, now, today, or warded off our practical extinction (not than veganism has either, granted). On the water side I heartily agree with you though. Thank you for your well meant words of advice.
Sorry if I seem a bit cagey on the topic – I’m used to sarky/weary replies and it’s rendered me alert. Racial health is a cornerstone, but are there are so many facets to that, from miscegenation to music tastes to respect for life. I’ve learn over the years that one simply can’t make others care for animals. They either do or they don’t, and the rest on top of that is just protestations and empty, defensive words, and the weakness of addiction, driving them to back themselves up with self-serving science, in antithesis to the logic of rigorous inquiry, in a big holocaustic pile of dead beasts. What’s healthier, the broth or the 500 million dead per day worldwide at our hands and under our watch (knowing we do this, to sit on our arses and watch the sloughed world implode, fuelling no more than our inertia)? A steady chorus of excuses in the air, and the tidal blood of the planet’s only real innocents pouring down time.
Just what I think!
In my last post I talked about an improved NS. Very well. That doesn’t only imply assimilating Richard Carrier’s book on the non-existence of Jesus, but debunking psychiatry. In neither of these subjects were Hitler or the people in power in his cabinet, nor the racialists or normies of today, wise.
What those belonging to the racial right ignore is that they cannot have their tunnel vision and believe that by being wise in matters of Jewry they are wise in everything. This is precisely the premise against which I have been rebelling on this site.
What neither Hitler nor his people knew is the trauma model of mental disorders (not even the intellectuals of eight decades later know it!). There is abject ignorance on fundamental issues. If only those I criticised in my post about commenters (abused as kids) knew this, instead of being fans of Charles Manson they would treasure John Modrow’s book!
Thank you very much. It’s relieving to know I’m not barking up the wrong tree with that suggestion. Seriously, I pull my hair out wondering why racialists can’t assimilate this. They’ve had long enough to. ‘Is it a fear of reading’, I ask myself, ‘or a fear of thought itself, that perennial modern world bugbear… are they simply idiots?’ Personally (I’ve noticed) I’m used to a slight degree of external suspicion akin to being patronised. More amateur pedagogy ‘doctor’s prescriptions’, my pet hate. I’ve haven’t got it on here so much thankfully, but my short online stint in the mainstream white nationalist community didn’t go well for me at all. Total know-it-alls was always my impression, interspersed with a few genuine sadists, and the occasional longform NS-type history specialist whom I always appreciated encountering. Most was like having Homer Simpson expound on why I was foolish or naïve or ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ or ‘have to…’ etc., very much ‘oh, how silly, it’s him again’.
I have yet to think of an effective strategy for conveying it, if there is one. Debating wouldn’t work. It would just be levelled then into egalitarian entertainment ‘blood sports’, where the popular candidate with the crowd backup wins, followed by shrugging chit-chat before the next big thing, and besides, extended debating feels feminized. If I get to the point of daydreaming (and I suppose it would have to be) about brute force re-education camps for these three matters (or two accurately as the third seems to require genuine choice) 1. Dismantle psychiatric perceptions, 2. Veganism, 3. Transvaluation of Christianity, it’s testament to just how stubborn and weak modern people are, how narcissistic. My self-recognised weakness is that I’m left complaining too much. I get ferociously angry over it in the background though (can be hard to imagine). The evidence is staring them in the face, and it’s not hard to find. If they could put a third of the effort into this that they put into researching world Jewry or archaeogenetics or whatever.
How does one counter abject ignorance? Beyond just abstract speculation, and thinking very much live-time, the numbers of ostensibly same-side idiots is still too high currently to achieve too much, even once the proposed Ronin-esque global collapse hits. What does one do tactically? I’m just wondering if there’s anything more satisfying pragmatically than just waiting for them to die of old age or hoping the societal fallout of the situation wipes them out. This is what I mean about stoicism, I can’t stomach mere patient endurance, knowing that a victorious situation does not just fall into place automatically. I’d be happier to sit back and wait for the inevitable shift in historical conditions if I knew all options had been expended regarding educating the stubborn. Sorry if you’re too busy tonight. I don’t want to overload you.
As I have told you by email, since years past sometimes days go by without anyone wanting to comment on this site (except Dr Morales, always using countless sockpuppets).
I have been keeping diaries for decades. For years now, when I post an important article, e.g. ‘On Depression’ which can be read on Daybreak and I get no comments (I think I posted it long before you started to visit this site), I notice the one-dimensional interest of the commenters—nothing about mental health interests them. In fact, transvaluing my values from JQ to CQ has collapsed visitor traffic. And the visitors who clung to the JQ narrative never wanted to answer my argument of mestizaje in Latin America at a time when the Inquisition kept Jews at bay here, where I live. They simply ignored that and continued to believe that the JQ explains everything. I remember I had to ban an Argentinian who started insulting me for disagreeing on this point without arguing rationally.
Maybe now you understand what I mean by the word ‘neanderthalism’. Even people of very high IQ, like the Charles Manson fans who used to comment here, didn’t want to go into such elementary questions as what did Manson do for the 4 words or the 14 words. Folk with a high IQ can dissociate reality as much as a normie can.
I don’t think there are any aristocrats in the West any more in the sense Savitri uses the word in her books. If I die without finding a custodian of this site and its PDFs, we will have reached, at last, the darkest hour. It may seem to many like a delirium of grandeur for me to speak in this way. But when one sees the sensitivity Hitler had for art and animals (in the case of the Jews the final solution was sad, but necessary), and the almost complete lack of these values, including racism, in today’s Westerner, you can understand that we are already in Kali Yuga.
But unlike Savitri I do not believe that Kalki is going to be a person. Rather I believe that the convergence of catastrophes (including energy devolution) may open a window of opportunity for the white race to avoid extinction (what Ronin believed). But it is desperate to wait for that window to open. Personally, I only fall asleep imagining nuclear missiles crossing the oceans so that those countries involved in the Hellstorm Holocaust will be as incinerated as Mordor was incinerated in the film that, according to Greg Johnson, is the quintessential Aryan film.
Thanks, you’re right. I’m getting to understand Neanderthalism, and just how broad and deep it is. I suppose the disappointment is that my mind, having not met that many people closely in life, always assumed/hoped that the citizens were to some degree conscious minds, and not these weird, smug, feral ghosts. It’s alien to observe. Mention something meaningful and the world flees. I would never have realised as a child or an adult (until about a year ago when I got the first inklings, and I still don’t quite assimilate it in clarity… it’s too awful…) that there are hardly any real non-subhumans on the planet. I expected more of the Aryan race. I think I remember Pierce suggesting that there hasn’t been a biological advance racially in about 30,000 years perhaps. Hence me returning to his Cro-Magnon sections recently. Personally, I’m not ‘depressed’. Not in any neurotic way at least. I get this great, huge, all-encompassing grief for the world though, the existential pain. However, I did manifest the classic repressed rage melancholia as a teenager, certainly (what a stupid term, ‘depressed’, surely ‘terrible sadness’ was enough).
I remember my Dad buying the The Noonday Demon for me as a present when I was 17 (it’s Lisa Feldman Barrett and Nick Chater these days). I found it a boring read. I was against drugs back then too. Most of my life has been trying to evade them force drugging me, sometimes winning, sometimes not. Anyhow, goodnight. I’m of your mind when it comes to those nuclear strikes. Were I an aristocrat, I’d have better ideas of my own. It’s like the most serious case of a real-world writers block, in a situation where, I suppose, I’m just afraid we’ll go extinct, seeing this rabble. I wish warriors still existed of that genuine barbarian thoughtfulness. I’ll just finish your article.
The Noonday Demon! That’s precisely the topic of my ‘On Depression’!